dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
