I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
