I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
