Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
