____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
