it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
