Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
