Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
