good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
