There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
