No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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