Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
