writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
