Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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