i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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