Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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