I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
