I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
