so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
