1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
