i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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