When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
