They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
