one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
People in love make me want to vomit
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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