Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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