are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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