When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
