It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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