jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
