I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
