Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
