I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
