Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
