Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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