my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
