walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
