its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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