I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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