There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
handjob tips. give me some.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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