I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
