if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
