I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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