Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
