hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
