I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
