before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
