you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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