U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
