I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
