I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
