i would punch a child for taco bell
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
