Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
