I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
