i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
