Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
