I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Randomize
