Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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