Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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