so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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