considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
