He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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