i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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