Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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