Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
