goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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