I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
