Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
