whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
