Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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