I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
