Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
