i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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