The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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