What did we do last night that was yellow?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
