Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
