dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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