i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I am morally bankrupt
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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