It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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